Anxiety. Ughh it sucks, speaking from someone who still experiences it. The pit in your stomach, the overthinking, the sweaty palms, that uncomfortable heat that you get in your chest....Or is that just me?
Nonetheless, anxiety is real, and it's difficult to deal with- even more difficult when it comes to dealing with it in your relationships. Relationships are tough enough as it is, why do we need to through anxiety in the mix! Well, unfortunately, many of do struggle with anxiety in relationships; HOWEVER the more you understand about the anxious attachment style, the more at ease you can become. TRUST me, every little bit of understanding helps.
Firstly, you need to know that an anxious attachment style (like any attachment style) derives from childhood experiences. These childhood experiences develop what we call core wounds. These core wounds have "wonderful" (insert sarcasm) accompanying emotions that define our approach to relationships.
Unpacking Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
OK so lets get to it. First and foremost, Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style stems from a deep-seated fear of abandonment and an insatiable need for reassurance. And that right there is a catapult for your ENTIRE relationship. How you act, how you feel, how your partner responds...and the list goes on!
Ok, but for the purpose of time, let's just look at the bullet points for now...
12 Core Wounds of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
Fear of Abandonment : The fear of being left behind creates a sense of insecurity and anxiety in relationships. "What happen? I don't understand? What do I do now? Is it me?"
Need for Reassurance : Constantly seeking validation to alleviate doubts and fears.
Low Self-Worth : Tied to seeking external validation, individuals with this style often struggle with self-esteem.
Overdependence : Relying heavily on others to fulfill emotional needs.
Hypersensitivity to Rejection : Minor setbacks can trigger intense feelings of rejection and inadequacy.
Desire for Intimacy : Craving deep emotional connections but fearing vulnerability.
Fear of Inadequacy : Feeling not good enough or worthy of love.
Clinginess : An overwhelming urge to be in constant contact with partners.
Emotional Volatility : Mood swings and emotional rollercoasters are common.
Jealousy : Insecurity leads to jealousy and possessiveness in relationships.
Difficulty Trusting : Past experiences make it challenging to trust others' intentions.
People-Pleasing : Sacrificing personal needs to please others, often to the detriment of one's well-being.
Accompanying Emotions
Accompanying these core wounds are a whirlwind of emotions that encapsulate the experience of individuals with Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style:
Anxiety : A constant state of worry and fear of losing the connection.
Insecurity : Doubts about self-worth and the stability of relationships.
Desperation : Seeking reassurance and validation to fill the emotional void.
Sadness : Feeling unfulfilled despite efforts to maintain the connection.
Anger : Frustration at perceived neglect or lack of attention.
Longing : A deep yearning for closeness and intimacy.
Understanding and Healing
We CAN'T fix/heal our attachment style if we don't understand what the root cause of it. Unraveling the intricacies of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style unveils the complexities of human connections and the profound impact of past experiences on present relationships. By delving into these core wounds and emotions, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and ultimately, cultivating fulfilling connections.